Lates Updates from BadJocks.com

Friday, June 10, 2011

Top Five Real Reasons the Stock Market is Crashing

Today, the Dow Jones Industrial Average finished below 12,000 for the first time since March of this year. The so-called "experts" have lots of excuses as to why the Dow is down for the past seven weeks, but we think they may be overlooking a few things.

Top Five Real Reasons the Stock Market is Crashing

#5. Brokers were inadvertently flashed those Twitter pics of Weiner's weiner on the big Dow Jones jumbo trading board, now unable to do any kind of meaningful work, just giggle instead.
#4. When throwing their money away, American's would at least like to have some fun with it first and are "investing" in slot machines and lottery tickets.
#3. We've finally out of empty soda bottles to turn in for the 10 cent return so we can buy GM stock.
#2. It only took a few years, but investors suddenly realized that Cramer on CNBC not same guy as Kramer from "Seinfeld" and now not so sure about taking anyone but Cosmo's advice.
#1. There's actually a foreclosure sign on the front law of the White House.

Have a suggestion to add to this list? Post it in the comments section below!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Top Five Pick Up Lines That Surprisingly Didn't Work on Emma Watson (Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter movies)

Everyone knows Emma Watson, right? The young British actress made famous for playing Hogwarts student Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movie series? She, of course, is out promoting the last movie in the series (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2) and surprised a lot of people in the press when she revealed that, not only does she not have a boyfriend, she also doesn't get asked out much. The problem? Guys apparently are intimidated by her . . . or they are just using really bad pick-up lines.

Top Five Pick Up Lines That Surprisingly Didn't Work on Emma Watson (Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter movies)
#6. "Someone told me that you're looking for a new "Dark Arts" teacher?"
#5 "You truly are the Brighest Witch of Your Age because you've managed to put a spell . . . on my pants."
#4. Drunken frat guy (are there any other kind?) "Anyone ever tell you that you look like that girl from them Larry Porter movies? (throws up on shoes) Wanna come to a party a the Beta House?"
#3. "It would be a huge favor if I could tell my friends I went out on a date with Keira Knightly!"
#2. "Ever made it with a guy in a homemade Dumbledore costume before? No? Really?"
#1. "How would you like to earn 10 points for Gryffindor the hard way?"

Add your suggestions in the comments section below!

Top Five Signs You're Probably Not Going to Be Drafted to Play Major League Baseball

The annual Major League Baseball draft is underway and hundreds of promising players from both the high school and college ranks are being given contracts by teams across the country. Unfortunately, not everyone who wants to play professional baseball will get to be a major leaguer.

Top Five Signs You're Probably Not Going to Be Drafted to Play Major League Baseball

#6. You're the only known person ever to take steroids and actually get smaller & weaker.
#5. At the plate, every time the pitcher starts his windup, you fall to the ground screaming "Not the face!"
#4. Not saying your foot speed is slow, but you tried to steal second base once and it took two innings for you to get there.
#3. Your nickname? Bobby "Tainted Urine Sample" Jones.
#2. Instead of a radar gun, they clock your fastball with an hourglass.
#1. Other players are awarded a "golden glove" for their fielding skill, you earned your team's "lead mitten" trophy.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Top Five Rejected Ideas for Katie Couric's New Show on ABC

Word on the street is that Katie Couric (recently, uh, "retired" as anchor of the CBS Evening News) has signed a deal with Disney/ABC to produce a new daytime talk show, despite the fact that the format hasn't quite been worked out yet. Although, a number of promising ideas have already been suggested.

Top Five Rejected Ideas for Katie Couric's New Show on ABC

#5. Combine "To Catch a Predator" with "Fear Factor" and let arrested bad guys try to avoid jail by eating insects and performing potentially fatal stunts.
#4. First, you take all the most interesting and exciting news from all over the world, add high end graphics, interviews, and video clips to explain it, and then somehow make it all boring as hell. Oh wait, she already did that for CBS.
#3. Katie puts on boxing gloves and just randomly punches unsuspecting people on the street who just happen to be eating tacos.
#2. Come one, we can't be the only ones who can kinda see her as the new Mrs. Howell for a 2011 remake of Gilligan's Island, can we?
#1. Monday Night Monkey Knife Fights, where Katie referees and then later, interviews the winner/survivor.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Top Five Signs Your Presidential Campaign is NOT Getting Off to a Good Start

So far, the Republicans have about 400 people running for their party's nomination in the 2012 Presidential Primary, with former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum jumping into the race on Monday. Unfortunately, not everyone's campaign is going to take roots and take off. Some, well, are dead on arrival. But how can you tell if your favorite candidate for president isn't going to make it?

Top Five Signs Your Presidential Campaign is NOT Getting Off to a Good Start

#7. When asked the question by a reporter, even you have to admit that you wouldn't vote for yourself, and then give her ten good reasons why.
#6. You're actually considering sending a shirtless picture of yourself to some college coed on your Twitter page just to get some free media attention.
#5. Only endorsement is from the cast of "Jersey Shore" and even they aren't impressed with you.
#4. Muslim extremists hacked your campaign website and actually improved it.
#3. When you make your big announcement to run for president, someone from the audience of faithful supporters shouts "Of what?"
#2. After weeks of sending out fundraising emails, calling big time donors, and going door-to-door asking for money, your campaign "war chest" is actually 11 bucks in the hole.
#1. Your platform consisting of only "No Fat Chicks" hasn't taken off as well as you had planned.


Be sure to add your suggestions to add to the list in the comments section below.