Lates Updates from BadJocks.com

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Top Five Changes to the US Open Course to Make It Tougher

According to reports, the USGA (the people behind the US Open) have made the course tougher than ever this year at the Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, Maryland. Apparently they hate to see birdies and love to see bogies (or double bogies) so they've done everything they can to make the course difficult to play.

Top Five Changes to the US Open Course to Make It Tougher

#6. Five words: quick sand in the bunkers.
#5. They added a windmill and a creepy clown to the 17th green.
#4. Select members of the gallery armed with paintball guns.
#3. The moat around the 9th green? Full of sharks with lasers on their heads.
#2. Miss an easy putt? Everybody in your foursome gets a mildly painful electrical shock.
#1. Caddies replaced with cute, but less golf savvy, spider monkeys.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Top Five Things That Will Get You Kicked Out of the US Open

The prestigious US Open starts on Thursday and, while it doesn't happen very often, players can get kicked out of the tournament for what appears to be no reason at all.

Top Five Things That Will Get You Kicked Out of the US Open

#6. Miss a fairway with your tee shot? Shotgun a beer. Repeat.
#5. After an impressive putt for birdie, instead of high-fiving your caddy you give him a long, slow French Kiss.
#4. Carrying all your clubs in your pants
#3. Repeatedly referring to the members of the Senior PGA Tour as "The Geezers of Golf"
#2. Playing in the tournament during the day, wrestling professionally at night under the name "The Cannibal Caddy".
#1. Wearing a Tiger Woods mask and having 14 trashy-looking women caddy for you at the same time.

Have a suggestion for the list? Add it in the Comments section below!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Top Five Jokes About LeBron James Following the Miami Heat's Loss in the NBA Finals (No Rings, No Fourth Quarter)

UPDATE: We've added a great LeBron "no rings" image. See it at the bottom of the post.

I have to admit, I didn't write any of these, but found them at various places online today. If you hear of any others, please add them to the Comments below!

Top Five Jokes About LeBron James Following the Miami Heat's Loss in the NBA Finals

- Why didn't LeBron go to college? He didn't want to show up for the finals.
- Tomorrow is Lebron James day in Dallas.  Everyone gets to leave 12 minutes early
- Why are Lebron's clothes always dirty?  His laundry machine requires 4 quarters.
- LeBron? No I don't think I know him. Doesn't have a ring to it.
- Maybe LeBron should try hockey. The NHL only has three periods.
- One period per month is enough for LeBron.
- I heard that LeBron James wanted to be in The Green Lantern, but the director wanted someone with experience wearing a ring.
- Why couldn't LeBron have a shot with Beyonce? Because he couldn't put a ring on it.
- In the offseason, LeBron's going to train with the Miami Police Department; they're not afraid to shoot.
- I found a cell phone today, but I know its not his, because it has a ring on it
- What's LeBron's favorite video game? SONIC because he can get all the rings that he wants
- Sprint (or Apple) is releasing the Lebron phone: only vibrates because it has no rings, and lasts for 3 quarters of a charge
- I asked LeBron for change for a dollar, but he only gave me 75 cents. When I asked why he said he didn't have a fourth quarter.

Top Five Things You're NOT Likely to Hear at Tonight's #Republican Presidential #Debate

CNN hosts the first New Hampshire Republican presidential debate tonight at 8 pm ET. You likely to hear a lot of things during the debate, but here are a few we doubt you'll hear.

Top Five Things You're NOT Likely to Hear at Tonight's Republican Presidential Debate

#6. "As God as my witness, I thought someone said pants were optional!"
#5. "Newt, dressing up to look like Sarah Palin is not going to help you in the polls."
#4. "Senator, I serve with Anthony Weiner, I know Anothy Weiner, Anthony Weiner is a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Anthony Weiner."
#3. "You said there would be no math!"
#2. "Oh, sorry Governor, but according to the rules of this debat all answers must be be given in the form of a rap song."
#1. "Now that I think about it, President Obama is doing a heck of a job and I'm not sure why I'm even running any more."