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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Top Five Rejected New Slogans on Cigarette Packages

UPDATE: I added two more! These ones are actually sorta funny, too.

EARLIER: Starting this week, cigarette packages will carry even MORE graphic messages and pictures about the dangers of smoking. As usual, the US government went through a LOT of messages before selecting the ones that ultimately ended up on the packages.

Top Five Rejected New Slogans on Cigarette Packages

#7. "Don't your farts smell bad enough?"
#6. "Hey, it's not like those guys on Mad Men are getting laid, right?"

#5. "Given a choice between cigarettes and meth, 4 out of 5 dentists choose meth."
#4. "Isn't the only one smoking in movies any more the villain? Who wants to be the villain in the movie of their own life?"
#3. "You know who else smoked? Hitler!"
#2. "Smoking no longer makes you look cool. Setting your pants on fire, THAT makes you look cool, mister!"
#1.  "Hey, if you quit smoking, you'll have a free hand to text while driving."

Want to add your suggestion? Use the comments section below and show everyone how funny you are!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Top Five Reasons High School Students Do Poorly on Their US History Test

Apparently, high school seniors in the United States are getting dumber . . . at least when it comes to their knowledge of US History. In results from an annual test, only 12 percent of high school seniors demonstrated proficiency on the exam. That's like only a C+ or something according to today's grading standards.

Top Five Reasons High School Students Do Poorly on Their US History Test

#5. Confuse Betsy Ross, inventor of the first American Flag, with Diana Ross, inventor of Michael Jackson
#4. Mistakenly believe that Thomas Edison invented the wedgie when, in fact, he was the first nerd to receive one, shortly after men's underwear was invented by immigrant Pierre Tighteewhitee.
#3. Thought any questions about World War "Eleven" were tricks because no one talks much about the other ten World Wars, do they?
#2. Most claim they were freaked out by this whole spring after seeing Kirsti Alley's creepy rumba moves on "Dancing With the Stars."
#1. If it ain't part of an iPhone App, they have no clue what it is.